Feldman’s Been Thinking

May 2, 2012

Yesterday Barack Obama landed in Afghanistan, or as Fox News reported, “President goes home.”

Mr. President? Going to Afghanistan is easy. The hard part is knowing when to leave.

On Wednesday Newt Gingrich officially broke it to his campaign that he was leaving it for a younger, hotter candidate.

Thereby making Mitt Romney the GOP’s presumptive nominee. So far Romney has spent $26 per vote, $200,000 per delegate in his campaign to bring fiscal discipline to Washington.

Mark Zuckerberg is now asking Facebook users to provide their organ donor status. Yeah, like Facebook doesn’t already know.

And Tuesday marked the one year anniversary of Osama Bin Laden’s death, or as Republicans call it, a day that will live in infamy.

The CIA claims Osama Bin Laden gave commands to his operatives using messages embedded inside porn videos. Well, at least that’s what the CIA told its wife when she walked in on it.

The CIA then announced plans to release Bin Laden’s diaries, which are said to reveal he considered changing al-Qaeda’s name… to Mellencamp.

Meanwhile John Brennan, President Obama’s chief counterterrorism advisor, says he envisions a day when al-Qaeda is no longer relevant. Sort of like our Bill of rights.

Yesterday was May Day. Occupy Wall Street urged Americans to take the day off from work, while Wall Street urged Americans to take the entire century off from work.

 

About David Feldman

David Feldman is an American comedy writer and performer.

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