This week the French elected a new president

despite the fact that he fathered four children out of wedlock. Did I say “despite?” I meant because he fathered four children out of wedlock

The new president, Francoise Hollande, defeated Nicolai Sarkozy by debating him solely on how to fix the economy. Not gay marriage, abortion or contraception. How to fix the economy. Moron.

Tuesday was Election Day in America, and Indiana Senator Dick Lugar waged a valiant campaign against his female opponent Vagina Water Cannon.

Interesting side note about Dick Lugar. His porn name is Roger Nussbaum.

Mitt Romney insists he deserves some of the credit for the Auto Industry’s revival. By not getting elected president in 2008.

After 14 months on the campaign trail, Romney says he’s still deciding what his position is on immigration. The man is actually on the fence when it comes to a fence.

Cops say artist Thomas Kinkade died mixing alcohol and Valium. If Kinkaid wanted to completely dull his senses all he had to do was stare at his paintings.

McDonald’s is offering one thousand dollars to any school that allows Ronald McDonald into their classrooms to teach nutrition. Thereby making it the first time in human history a clown has ever made anyone laugh.