Jerry Sandusky’s Commencement Speech

Originally Broadcast June 15, 2012. Arianna Huffington’s Radio Show, I’ll Have Another, Pope Still Needs A Butler, and Histrionic Personality Disorder. Today’s program is written by Frank Conniff, Jim Earl, Guy Nicolucci, David Weiss, and Dylan Brody. It features Paul Dooley, Frank Conniff, Jeremy S. Kramer, Dylan Brody, and Ben Gleib.

11 Responses to Jerry Sandusky’s Commencement Speech

  1. Dip Thong June 15, 2012 at 2:19 pm

    As Paterno used to say, “Fuck em if they can’t take a joke. And if they can take a joke, fuck them anyway.”

  2. Your Mother June 15, 2012 at 4:02 pm

    well, at least there was no cursing. Funny show.

  3. Stacey THe Fruitbat June 15, 2012 at 4:12 pm

    This was one of the smartest and funniest shows youv’e done in months. Glad you r back with new ones.

  4. Benedict Pope June 15, 2012 at 6:46 pm

    You’re going to burn in hell for this one my son.

  5. Plume Da Nom June 15, 2012 at 7:26 pm

    Earl is definitely back.

    • David Feldman June 18, 2012 at 12:21 pm


  6. Alan Abel June 15, 2012 at 8:00 pm

    My Conversation With the Guardian Dental Plan

    ME: Hello Audrey. Are you a real person or is this a robot?
    SHE: I don’t know what you mean. Can I help you?
    ME: I need a root canal.
    SHE: You need to call a dentist and make an appointment.
    ME: That’s why I called you in Spokane…
    SHE: I’m in Wisconsin…
    ME: How was the election?
    SHE: I don’t go to elections.
    ME: Can you recommend an endodonist?
    SHE: How is your last name spelled and your 9 letter claim number?
    ME: It’s Abel…
    SHE: Sable?
    ME: No, Abel. That’s A as in Appalachian…
    SHE: How do you spell Appalachian?
    ME: I’m not sure. But it begins with an A, like my first name.
    SHE: How do you spell the other letters?
    ME: B as in Baltimore…
    SHE: That’s the city.
    ME: Yes. Then E as in ecstasy….
    SHE: I don’t like to hear dirty words.
    ME: Sorry. E as in enema. L as in London.
    SHE: So is your name Cable or Label?
    ME: Neither. It’s Abel. A as in…
    SHE: Never mind. I have it. What is your social?
    ME: I’m anti-social.
    SHE: I don’t understand.
    ME: I can’t give you my social security number over the phone.
    SHE: What is your claim number?
    ME: I don’t have that.
    SHE: I do now.
    ME: What is it?
    SHE: I can’t give you that information. You must give it to me.
    ME: I would love to give it to you.
    SHE: I believe I’ve had it with you. Call back and get someone else.
    ME: I’ll do that. Say goodby.
    SHE: I don’t have to. I’ll just cut you off. I’ve had my share of lame brains.
    ME: It takes one to know one.

  7. T.M. June 15, 2012 at 8:07 pm

    I just unsubscribed to your mailing list.

    • David Feldman June 18, 2012 at 12:21 pm

      I don’t blame you.

      • chuck June 21, 2012 at 12:20 pm

        You have a mailing list?

  8. Shashi Dhungel June 16, 2012 at 11:52 pm

    I found your site through a friend. Very informative and funny. Don’t get all the jokes but English is my second language. Actually my third.


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