On today’s show I once again quoted from the New Yorker piece on guns. Fareed Zakaria also quoted from it. He just didn’t give the New Yorker credit.
The following is a transcript of Mitt Romney’s speech before the NAACP.
Whazzup. I love my homies. I got me some homies everywhere. New Hampshire. San Diego. Colorado. Big homies. I be living large and gangsta with my homies. 30,000 square feet, and dat’s no lie.
Gonna raise the roof on this mother, that’s where my dawgs at. On da roof. Of my wheels.
OK, here’s the dillio. I ain’t be faking jacks when I say it’s an honor to represent before da N Double A C to the P.
And I ain’t Zootie Bang. This no Wanksta. I is for realz. Mitt Romney ain’t no played out Skeezer.
Sure, I got my scrilla, my bitches, my zootie bang. Yeah, true dat word up. But they be more to life dan stack chips. I wanna be president to all my peeps.
And the first thing I be doing as president is I gonna squash the beef when it comes to Obamacare.
Obamacare is wack. I going to wreck shop that bitch you know what I’m saying?
See? This is why we didn’t allow you people into the Mormon Church until the 1970s. You people don’t know how to behave.
And by “you people” I don’t mean your people, I would never call you people “you people” because that would be demeaning to you people.
Thanks, and peace out.
Here is the article I talked about on today’s show in which Steve Almond talks about ignoring the right wing media. It’s not easy, but I agree that if you marginalize these people, it will eventually become easier to control the narrative.
Tim Tebow is said to be dating fellow virgin and Olympian Lola Jones. Lola says Tim is a real gentleman who always removes his purity ring before fisting her.
Mitt Romney released his birth certificate, which says his father was born in Mexico. So Romney’s Mexican. Wow. I guess Mexicans really do take jobs away from hard working Americans.
Mike Tyson is training Justin Beiber to box. And judging by Beiber’s last album, to sing.
Next month Queen Elizabeth celebrates 60 years on the throne. She may not make it to 60 years. Donald Trump just held a press conference saying he has proof she wasn’t born in America.
Buckingham Palace should be hearing the pitter-patter of little feet. That’s right. Andrew Lloyd Webber is getting knighted again.
And the Pope’s butler is still in jail. The Pope’s butler says jail isn’t so bad since it’s nice to get a break from the Vatican and all that sodomy.
It’s got to be tough for Pope Benedict with his butler in jail. He was the only one who knew how to work the tanning bed.
You know who I hear they’re arresting next? The Pope’s iPod caddy.
The Vatican Banking scandal is getting bigger, but all I can say from personal experience their Pope Mobile loans are very competitive.
The Pope is cheering everyone up this weekend. He’s taking his entire household staff to Thailand on a Boy Safari.
Originally Broadcast June 1, 2012. Jiffy Vag, Jackie O, Face The Day Miami, The Return Of Jim Earl, Kevin Rooney on Fiction, Plus Jimmy Dore, Frank Conniff, Paul Dooley, Rick Overton, Cynthia Adler, Janie Haddad Tompkins, Dylan Brody, Stefane Zamorano. Please like us on Facebook. Subscribe to us on iTunes.
Mark Zuckerberg spent the past week honeymooning in Rome. If Zuckerberg wanted to see ruins all he had to do was visit Facebook’s price on the NASDAQ.
As it dips below 30, stock in Facebook is now said to be a steal, just like the idea for Facebook.
Miami police shot and killed a growling naked man eating the face of another naked man. One thing about those Miami police they’re real sticklers when it comes to table manners.
Florida police would have shot that naked guy a lot earlier but he was only eating a face, not a bag of Skittles.
Miami Police knew the guy was insane because who in their right mind thinks they’re getting fresh face in Florida before the end of August?
The Vatican bank scandal has widened after police arrested the Pope’s butler. True Story: “The Vatican Needs A Bank & The Pope Deserves A Butler” was the working title of Jesus’s “Sermon On The Mount.””
After firing hundreds of lawyers and cutting salaries for its partners Dewey & LeBoeuf filed for bankruptcy Monday night making it the biggest law firm to collapse in U.S. history. Let’s wait a second for my erection to subside, shall we?
Dewey & LeBoeuf owes banks and creditors $500 million. In legal parlance that comes out to roughly three billable hours.
Melissa Rivers and Porn King Steve Hirsch have called it quits. Unfortunately from each other and not from life.
Melissa is said to have embarrassed the Porn King at last year’s Adult Video Awards when she kept walking up to the nominees and asking who they’re not wearing.
Originally Broadcast May 29, 2012. Comedians Jimmy Dore, Frank Conniff, Paul Goebel and Stefane Zamorano join David to discuss stuff in the news. The King Of TV tells us his picks for the week as he prepares for his 300th episode. Follow us on Facebook.